


One Call

by xAbsinthexx



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: "Religious" Beliefs, Alcohol Abuse, Alcohol Intolerance, Angst, Choices, Confessions, Death, Depression, Flashbacks, Heart Attacks, Hurt, Lovesickness, M/M, Paranormal, Sadness, Suicide, not really but sorta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-08-16 10:15:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8098255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAbsinthexx/pseuds/xAbsinthexx
Summary: What happens when you're forced to make the ultimate choice? 
Sean "Jack" McLoughlin isn't having a great time. He can't get Mark out of his head, no matter what he tries.
So when death is unavoidable, he has to make a choice. Who will he say his last goodbyes to?
---
Mark never took bad news well. Hell, when his father died, he didn't leave his room for a month.
But losing the man he'd fallen in love with...
Only Jack's memory can save him from his worst enemy: himself.





	1. On My Mind

It was three in the morning, on a cold November night. I couldn't sleep.

Every time I tried, I'd find myself staring at the ceiling, gazing into nothingness as the darkness surrounded me. I was thinking of him again. Thinking about-

Sighing, I threw back the sheets, and slowly made my way to the computer on the far side of the room. I rubbed my eyes as it whirred to life, and the sudden light from the monitor momentarily blinded me. A noise of disapproval escaped my lips.

I stared at the screen for a long time, going in and out of reality, no idea of what I intended to do. Games, most likely. A small, 'pop' from my computer broke the daze, and my eyes focused on the small window that had appeared. I silently wondered who would be up this time of night. 

It was just another contact request, someone had figured out my Skype name again. Oh well. I clicked on the request to delete it, but when I did, four words appeared on my screen.

I WILL FIND YOU

A breath escaped, and I shivered. The cold air must have been getting to me. I made a mental note to turn up the heat. Turning my attention back to the screen, I stifled a laugh. This message was strange, sure, but I had encountered stranger things in my days doing YouTube. I moused over the, 'decline' button and,

that was that. 

I eyed over my other contacts, and Felix's red icon switched to green. Shouldn't he be asleep? Recently, he moved to Ireland and was about a ten-minute walk away from where I lived, if one bothered to time it. 

Mark had also moved to Ireland, but his new place was a decent drive away.

“Do you know how hard it is to find houses in Dublin?” Mark grumbled into his microphone.

“Not hard enough, apparently.” I laughed.

“Well I had to do something, my two best friends are out partying in Ireland while I rotted in America.” Mark locked his eyes on me, and smiled.

My heart stopped at how firmly he said ‘friends’.

“A-America isn’t so bad. Ye have yer guns and yer cheeseburgers.” I stuttered out. A feeling of longing overwhelms my senses.

“You’re right. Food is way better than you’ll ever be.” He said, sarcasm dripping from each word.

I knew he was joking, but my breath still hitched at the half-hearted insult. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I was going to cry. A lump formed at the base of my throat.

Acting on impulse, I quickly end the call,

and cry I did.

What hurt the most, wasn’t the sarcastic comment.

He didn't try to call back.

We never spoke much after that day, just small chats here and there. I couldn't face him, the guilt was crippling.

Putting on my headphones, I clicked on Felix’s name, hoping a short conversation would finally help me fall asleep.

Ring... Ring...

He picked up, turning his FaceCam on.

"You're awake too, Jack?"

I gave a small nod but focused on his features. Christ, he looked more tired than I did.

Felix laughed, "Any intentions of going to sleep anytime soon?"

"Prob'ly not," I responded. It was weird hearing my own voice, it had been hours since I'd spoken last.

"Could always come down here, play video games or something." He challenged, a playful smile tracing his lips.

Matching his smile, I leant towards my microphone. "Yer on."

"Do you want me to pick you up?" He asked.

I shrugged, "It's only a short walk. I'll be fine."

Felix didn't argue. "Alright then, I'll see you soon, Jackaboy."

I hung up and turned off my computer, leaving me to the darkness once again.

Abandoning the computer, I hauled on my shoes and a warm jacket over my shoulders as well. It was going to be freezing, especially at this time of night. I put a hand through my messy mop of green hair and contemplated on whether or not I should wear a hat.

The beanie that was most appropriate for the weather was back in my bedroom. I had already put my shoes on, no point in going in for it. Besides, my hair would alert any nearby cars to my presence.

Silently, I opened the door, carefully stepping outside and shutting it behind me. I shook the knob, confirming it was locked, and made my way down the stairs. I rounded the corner, now on the open streets. They were empty, which was unusual. Normally, you could see a pair of headlights in the distance, no matter what time of night it was. I was alone.

All alone.

Left to my own thoughts, what I’ve been trying to avoid for the past year.

I’ve always been afraid of my thoughts, but things took a turn for the worst when I fell for him. My best friend. Mark.

I shifted my eyes to my feet.

Mark. He could always make me laugh in my darkest of moments, make me smile while I cried. To this day I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell for him. I’d only realised about a year ago, when we finally met in person, that I was head over heels for the guy.

I hated myself for it. I still do.

My head gazed upwards, and I realised I was almost to my destination. Just a couple more blocks. A few more minutes of the silence that screamed at me.

No matter how I hard I tried, Mark wouldn’t leave my mind.

In a desperate attempt to push him out, I try to make note of my surroundings. It was almost winter, and a light frost dusted the ground, only to be blown away again by the wind whenever it settled.

I wonder if Mark’s up?

No. I couldn’t be doing this to myself. I shook my head furiously, as my chest grew heavy with guilt.

The wind rushed past my ears, practically laughing at my struggles. A curse made its way past my lips, a tradition I was accustomed to when things didn’t go my way.

Mark. Mark. Mark.

A faint sound could be heard in the distance, then a blanket of darkness engulfs my body.

A street lamp went out.

He could never love me.

I burrowed further into my jacket, blocking the wind that taunted my every move.

I’m worthless.

I took a shaky breath in, the ice cold air shooting daggers into my lungs, tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

Push it down.

The breath out condensed into a puff of whiteness against the black night sky, my body tensed. A dark cloud shrouded over my brain.

Keep it down.

Another breath in, a glaze over my eyes.

It hurts.

Another cloud out, deaf to the world.

Maybe…

A tear burned down my cheek.

Maybe I would be better off dead.

Then everything went black.


	2. A Conscious Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to writeasoph. You do wayyy too much for me, mate. 
> 
> :3c

It took my eyes a few moments to adjust to the new darkness, fear quickly stripping away my mental haze. The entire block was ripped of all light sources, disregarding the moon, which seemed to burn from the vast darkness at double the intensity. I glanced around fearfully, and felt another lump rise in my throat, making it difficult to steady my breaths. My whole body trembled as a wave of undiluted panic pressed down on my head, leaving me with a feeling of dizziness and confusion.

 _Something_ wasn't right.

The rhythmic beats of my feet hitting the sidewalk momentarily stepped out of sync, as I instinctively picked up the pace. It became all too easy to block Mark from my thoughts, and replace him with a new fear. For once, I felt emptier without him occupying my mind. My last sense of security, now whisked away with the last few waves of the wind, now leaving me in complete silence.

And that scared the _hell_ out of me.

With the wind gone, my footsteps seemed to grow louder. I almost covered my ears.

Panic gripped at my lungs, leaving a burning sensation in my already heavy chest. Every breath hurt. I tried to tell myself I was being unrealistic, I tried to believe I was worrying for nothing, that the power just went out or something of the similar.

My stomach twisted into a knot when my eyes detected faint light illuminating from the window of a nearby apartment.

In a final, desperate, attempt to calm myself down, I let my mind wander.

It wasn't a complete surprise when it immediately went to Mark.

 

_“Stop cheaaatting!” Mark whined, shooting me a dirty look._

_“How th’fuck can you cheat on SUPER SMASH BROTHERS?” I snorted, giving him a sideways glance._

_“I dunno, modding?” He said, taking a sip of water._

_“Just admit it; m’better than you, Markimoo,” I stuck my tongue out at him, and he kicked me in the knee._

_“Whatever, I blame the developers,” Mark grumbled irritably._

_I grinned at his antics, and turned towards the screen once again, “Well how about this, since I love you SO much, one more round, winner takes all.”_

_“Fine, since you LOVE me,” Mark said, cycling through each character, and finally settling on Snake._

_Deciding to stick with a classic, my cursor hovered over Mario. Mark smirked, obviously confident this time around._

_Not 30 seconds into the game was that grin wiped off his face. He’d fallen off the map twice now._

_”NO! FUCKING CHRIST! SUCK MY DICK, SNAKE!” He yelled at the screen, as I went into a fit of giggles at the irony of the statement._

_He groaned a few seconds later, finally catching on. That only succeeded in made me laugh harder._

_“Sh-Shoot me with your love gun, Daddy!” I managed between breaths, tears running down my face._

_The look on Mark’s face was priceless as he paused the game. I lifted a shaky hand to point at him._

_“Y-You-Your Your face!”_

_Mark huffed, and rolled his eyes._

_“I’ll make you pay for that, you know.” He grumbled, obviously deep in thought._

_“Yeah, Yeah, empty threats,” I said, laughter fading out._

_Another huff, and his face suddenly lit up._

_Oh **shit.**_

_I braced myself, but nothing could prepare me for what he was about to do._

_He turned towards me, and slowly, leaned in._

_My heart stopped, and I held my breath. I could feel my brain running a mile a minute, trying to figure out what was happening._

_The motherfucker stopped about an inch from my face._

_He was so close I could feel his breath on my lips. Swallowing, I was grateful my cheeks were still warm from laughter._

_His hot breath traced up my jawline, then into my ear. It took every ounce of self control not to shiver._

_Finally, he spoke, voice deep and sincere._

_“Empty threats indeed…”_

_All of a sudden, Mark’s hands were fluttering up and down my ribcage. My eyes widened, and I let out a squeal of surprise._

_“N-No! Mark, please!” I cried out, trying to reason with him. He was having none of it, and continued his onslaught of tickles._

_My laughter echoed through the room as I began to squirm in a desperate attempt to shake him off. The bastard didn't hold up, though._

_“P-Please!” I tried again, but the words got caught in my throat, another symphony of squeals came out instead._

_After what seemed like hours, the son-of-a-bitch eased off, adjusting back into a sitting position with a shit-eating grin plastered to his face. Immediately, I gave him the middle finger, whilst simultaneously trying to suck in enough air to form words._

_“F-Fuh-Fuck you!” I croaked out, throat raw from laughter._

_He snorted, “You wish, Jackaboy,” and promptly picked up the remote to begin playing again. I gaped at him, searching the sofa frantically for my own controller._

_“YES!” He shouted, when the timer finally counted down to zero._

_“Cheater,” I mumbled, still digging through the layers of pillows for the remote I dropped, “where IS it?”_

_Mark then proceeded to pull the very thing I was looking for, out from under his ass._

_“Y-YOU FAHKING SAT ON IT?” I sputtered, and he just shrugged, feigning innocence._

_“What can I say? I cheated a cheater,” He said, extending his arm to return the stolen object._

_“Wha-I don't want it NOW!” I whined, making a face._

_“But you’ve touched my ass before, why is now any different?” He asked, tone smooth and steady, but eyes showing his held back laughter._

_I flushed a deep crimson at the mentioning of that incident, and I couldn't meet his eyes anymore.”That was an accident an’ you know it!”_

_“Doubt it,” He said, transitioning into a deep, rich laughter that only further stained my cheeks._

_“It was! Who’d be trying to cop a feel of you, anyway?” I say, voice cracking, I knew I couldn't keep up this facade much longer._

_“Says someone who almost drools if I walk in front of them,” He shoots back, and my eyes widened in horror._

_Had he found me out? What was he going to do? Had Felix told him? Did he hate me now?_

_Mark must have sensed something was up, because the next thing I knew, he had a hand rested on my back._

_“Hey…” he whispered, “I’m only joking, you alright?” I blinked twice, snapping out of my horrified daze._

_“Mhm… Jus’ tired,” I replied, giving a faux-yawn to prove the point._

_“Yeah. It’s getting late. You sleeping on the couch?” He asked, standing up._

_“Fine by me,” I say, giving another, real yawn this time._

_A pause._

_“Jack?” Mark mumbled, sounding nervous._

_“Yeh?” My eyebrows raise innocently._

_“I-If you want you c-can um… Get in the bed with me? I-I know sleeping on that couch d-does a number on the back,” He stuttered out, a light pink dusted his cheeks in the faint light from the TV._

_My heart gives a flutter. “Sure!” I mentally slap myself, “I-I mean, if you don' mind, that is…” He smiles at me, and gives a small chuckle._

_“No homo?” He asks, still smiling._

_“No homo,” I repeat, although my voice breaks slightly, and I just pray he doesn't notice._

 

A shadow danced across my peripheral vision, forcefully stripping me away from my memories. My eyes darted around fearfully.

 

Was I hallucinating?

 

No, there it was again, closer this time. I froze, listening carefully.

Footsteps.

Slow, steady footsteps, almost directly behind me. Adrenaline coursed through my body.

Fear.

Panic.

_Run._

 

My feet almost dug in against the sidewalk, and I took off down the street, footsteps echoing in the night.

 

Except,

 

They weren't mine. It was clear there was a second pair, trailing behind me.

 

I didn't dare look back. Instead, I ran faster.

 

Faster down the empty streets, everything became blurry as I only had one goal in mind:

 

To get away.

 

Felix’s house was just around the corner, in a matter of moments, I would be safe. 10 years down the road, I would be telling my kids this story, just to try and scare them.

 

Right?

 

The footsteps grew faster, the shadowy figure obviously picking up speed. It was catching up.

 

I pushed forward, but the adrenaline was wearing off, and that's when it hit me how really out of shape I was.

 

My ankles hurt, my chest ached, my whole body throbbed. Being at one of my most vulnerable points directly before this didn't help, either.

 

That’s when I felt it; an icy hand grab the back of my hood, knuckles pressed against my neck. The grip instantly told me it was male.

He pulled back, and I choked at the sudden pressure against my throat, my coat digging into the sensitive skin.

A cry resonated from the bottom of my lungs, as my feet crumpled to the ground. The pressure slacked off some, and I greedily inhaled any air I could get. 

 

Until a cold line was pressed against my throat.

 

Colder than ice, it almost burned my neck.

I could tell nearly straight away that it was a blade, a knife. A weapon.

 

“Hush…” A voice whispered out, broken and raspy. Nothing like Mark’s voice.

Even at a time like this, he still haunted my consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SORRY it took so long to be released. ;n; I'll try to be better, I promise!


	3. The Last Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't a month this time! Go me!

_“I’ll miss ya,” I told Mark, blinking back tears I knew I couldn't let him see._

_“I’ll miss you too, Jackaboy. You'll visit soon, won't you?” He replied, a hopeful glint in his beautiful dark brown eyes._

_I smiled, “Of course,” Hesitantly, I reached out my arms for a hug. He happily complied, pulling me into a tight squeeze._

_The world stopped when I fell into his arms. His strong grip made me feel safe, his hair tickled my cheeks, and the faint smell of a cologne lingered in my nostrils, most likely from the PAX after party a few nights before._

_I never wanted to let go._

_We both retracted our embrace a few seconds longer than friendly and looked at each other for a minute more. Finally, he turned, walking in the opposite direction, looking back only once._

_“Skype me when you land!” He called out, before disappearing into the crowd._

_My happiness dissipated when he left, leaving me tired and drained. I stared at any opening in the numbers of bodies, hoping to get one last glimpse of his bubblegum hair._

_But he was gone._

_I let the tears fall, not caring who saw. I felt empty, my body hollow._

_“I love you,” I whispered._

_But the words swept away into the crowd, forever unheard._

 

I didn't dare scream when he pulled me into that alley. It’s funny how cooperative one becomes when their life is at stake.

_But this is what I’d wanted, wasn’t it? To be dead?_

 

Be careful what you wish for.

I was violently thrown into a corner of the passage, the knife leaving the skin of my neck, but it never left my field of vision. I knew it could still come plunging into a vital organ at a moment's notice. Running wasn't an option.

“Valuables,” the man croaked out, gesturing to my pockets with the sharp metal.

Once my brain registered his command, I immediately began searching my coat for anything he might find of use. My heart dropped to my stomach when my fingers only touched a few balls of lint. As a last resort, I reached into my jeans and pulled out my phone. My hands shook when I gave it to him, praying that this would be enough.

“Is that it?” The man spat accusingly, snatching the phone from my trembling hands. I could only nod in response, the words failing to form in my mind.

A loud noise echoed around me when kicked the side of the brick wall, “ _Goddammit!_ ” The man roared, before turning on me abruptly, the knife returning to where it had rested only minutes prior.

 

His eyes blackened with rage

I knew it was the end.

_“Hey, Mark?” I asked, not looking into my face cam._

_“Yeah?” He raised an eyebrow but was more focused on finding a tree to chop down for a future treehouse._

_“Have yeh ever kissed a guy before?” I asked, voice barely above a whisper._

_“Have I what?” He turned towards the camera, staring at my projected figure like I had fifty heads_

_“Nothing, nevermind. Forget it.”_

 

No.

Not like this.

“W-Wait,” I breathed, finally finding my voice. “P-Please… Can I call a few people? I-I just want t’say goodbye… Please…” It took every ounce of energy to get those words out. I looked up to meet the man’s eyes under his dark hood, silently pleading.

Something flashed in those eyes. Regret? No, it was gone. Dark and empty once again. Slowly, though, he took a few steps back. A breath of hope escaped me.

“One call,” he growled, hurling my phone back at my body, “and don't do anything stupid, or I'll make sure you regret it.” I nodded quickly. His hand wrapped around my coat, and the man lifted me to my feet with surprising ease, the cold metal finding its way to my throat for what I knew to be the final time.

My mind raced. Who should I call?

_Mark._

Maybe my Ma, she was always there for me.

_Mark._

Or one of my brothers, they had helped me through some of my hardest times.

_Mark._

Perhaps, Felix, he deserved to know I wouldn't be coming over.

_MARK._

I dialled Mark’s number, my hand jittering. An acidic taste burned the back of my throat.

I could do this. After all these years, I could do this.

I had to.

_Ring…_

 

Fuck.

_Ring…_

 

**FUCK.**

_Ring…_

 

It was easily four in the morning by then, would he even hear his phone?

_Ring…_

 

Was his phone on silent?

_Ring…_

 

I held my breath at a painful realisation.

I hadn't actually called him on his _phone_ before. It was always Skype.

“ _Hello?_ ” Someone on the other line spoke with a voice true and deep, though it was accented slightly with sleep. I almost cried in relief.

“Mark?” I tried, my voice cracking.

_Way to go, Shakespeare._

 

“ _Jack?_ ” He sounded confused, I mentally curled in on myself.

“Y-Yeh,” I stuttered.

_Don't do anything stupid. Act like everything's okay._

 

“ _The fuck, man? It's 4:08 in the morning,_ ” He yawned into the phone, sounding annoyed. I could almost see him crossing his arms.

“I know. I uh…” I mumbled, my body freezing up. No no no, not now.

“ _Jack, it's been three weeks and four days since you last talked to me. If you have nothing to say, I'm hanging up._ ” Mark grumbled, trying to sound angry, but the hurt he felt shone through.

I panicked, and the words came rushing out like a torrent.

“W-Wait! Mark I-I'm gay! I'm...gay. Please don' go!” My heart stopped, and the knife around my neck dug in just a little deeper.

_Please let me finish…_

 

“ _...What?_ ” He said, after a long pause. My face crumpled.

“I’m… gay…” I said again, tears running down my face. I wasn't even at the hardest part yet.

“ _...Okay. That’s alright, you know? I’m not going to judge you,_ ” He said. More tears ran down my face.

“Mark…”

“ _Is this why you’ve been avoiding me? You know you’ll always be my friend, no matter what._ ”

“I know, but Mark -"

“ _What are you even doing up at this time?_ ”

“Going to Felix’s house to play some games, but Mark-!”

“ _God, I'm sorry for being a dick at the beginning of the call. I thought you hated me,_ ”

“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, GODDAMMIT!”

Silence. 

“Mark…?” I pleaded, sniffling into the phone.

Nothing.

I glanced at the screen of the phone, he was still on the line.

“ _One minute…_ ” The man growled from behind me, I’d almost forgotten he was there. I took a breath in.

“Listen, Mark. I love you so much, okay? More than you'll ever know. But I-I have to go now, alright?”

“ _J-Jack?_ ”

“Try an’ forget about me, Mark. Don’ let me drag you down.” The knife sunk into my skin, and I struggled to get the last few words out.

“ _What are you doing, Jack?_ ”

“ _ **Goodbye… I love you...**_ ”

 

“ _Jack?!_ ”

“ _Time's up._ ” The man whispered in my ear. I looked up at the moon. Such a beautiful, beautiful night it was.

I didn't feel any pain when the knife glided across my throat, I didn't feel the warm blood rush out of the wound, I didn't feel my body hit the ground as the hooded black figure ran off.

I only felt love.

Love for the man I could never have.

I grew tired, and my vision blurred, the sky coming in and out of focus.

Maybe I should just take a nap...

Tomorrow was another day, after all.

Mark enticed my thoughts once again as I closed my eyes.

His smile…

His eyes…

His laugh…

Then my mind became quiet. The incessant chatter ceasing. Finally, there was some peace.

I fell asleep.

_-_ **x** _-_

_He loves me._

 

I repeated, over and over inside my head. My mind was cloudy, and my face was wet.

_He loves me._

My heart was racing a mile a minute, as my brain tried to comprehend the recent events.

_He… said goodbye._

 

I inhaled a sharp breath of realisation and stumbled with my phone that I had abandoned on my floor a few seconds prior.

My hands shook violently as I dialled Felix’s number into the keypad, and he picked up right away.

“ _Where the fuck are you, Jack?_ ” He shouted into my ear, and I almost dropped the phone in surprise.

“J-Jack, h-he - I think he's hurt. He called me.” I said, stuttering slightly. A bead of sweat ran down my back.

“ _Oh **fuck,** Mark? Shit! I’m gonna go find him,_” The line cut off.

_Is he okay? Oh God please let him be okay._

 

Without thinking, I quickly grabbed my keys and threw open the door. I winced when my bare feet touched the concrete. I had become so hellbent on finding Jack that I’d forgotten to put on my shoes.

_I didn't get to tell him._

 

My phone sounded again, and I promptly picked it up. One shoe on, and the other halfway across the porch area.

There was a long silence before someone finally spoke.

“ _M-Mark?_ ” Felix sobbed into the phone, obviously crying.

My heart sank, and I felt dizzy.

_No._

“W-What?” I croaked out, and rested my side on the wall for balance.

“ _S-Sit down, M-Mark..._ ”

I sat where I stood, my head too heavy to consciously find a chair.

_Please no._

 

“O-Okay, Felix.” I managed between breaths, my breathing becoming more frequent, more desperate.

A pause rung into my ears.

_Oh God, please._

 

“ _C-Call the police, Mark._ ”

_Please._

 

“ _He’s dead._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ThE tEArS. It's not over yet. More heartbreak to come. <3
> 
> (THANKS AGAIN WRITASOPH ILY)


	4. The Clock Tells Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Mark has stated many times in his videos that he is quote, "allergic" to alcohol. Just clearing that up for people who didn't know <3
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (I'M SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!!!!!!)

When you lose someone you love, days seem to drag on forever, but the weeks will fly by as if they weren't there, to begin with. At least, that's what happened to me.

I lied there in bed, staring at the clock. It ticked away slowly, mocking my pain.

Or lack thereof.

I felt nothing, I was completely numb. 

So when someone knocked on my front door, it wasn’t a surprise when I almost jumped out of my skin. A strained noise tore my throat, having not spoken in.. how long? It must have been a few hours at most. It was probably all the crying.

“Mark? I'm coming in,” someone said, it was Felix. My eyes twitched in distaste, I had told him not to come here.

I didn't have the strength to respond, I just laid there, and watched as another minute ticked by, my expression remained stoic.

“Oh, Jesus, Mark!” Felix ran to my side, and I scrunched up my face in confusion. I couldn't have looked _that_ bad, could I?

He put his head in his hands, muttering a few Swedish curse words, “I knew you shouldn't have been left alone, Fuck! How long have you been lying there?” he yelled, his condescending tone causing me to flinch.

I opened my mouth to say something, but a horrid noise came out instead. I coughed a few times, clearing the phlegm from my throat, “I-I don't know… a few hours?” It hurt to talk. Fuck, I really _was_ worse for wear.

Felix paced back and forth for a few seconds, before coming to a halt, not daring to look in my direction.

“Mark,” he said softly, “it's been a week.”

My stomach churned, and my heart dropped. _A week._

No, it _can't_ be.

“N-No, it hasn't been a week?” I protested, trying to reposition myself to sit up, but my body wouldn't cooperate.

Felix turned around to face me, then kneeled down towards my bed so he was at my eye level. He took a deep breath in, and I watched as tears started to form in his eyes.

“Mark,” he exhaled slowly, hesitantly, “...this isn't what Jack would have wanted.”

Instantaneously, I felt a surge of adrenaline, and hot anger bubbled inside my veins. It was like a volcano erupted inside of me, the room around shifting in and out of focus. All I saw was Felix and the horrified look on his face at my response. The next thing I knew, I was on my feet, my entire body shaking.

“ **DON’T SAY HIS NAME!** ”

The familiar burn of salt water dripped down my face again like molten lava, and I felt my knees go weak at a realisation.

He was right.

Felix was there to catch me when I collapsed, guiding me to a seating position. I was a mess.

“I-I'm sorry…” I sobbed into his shoulder, my heart racing with guilt and grief. I just wanted to lie down.

He patted my back, not saying a word. He was crying too but was far less vocal.

We both just watched the clock as the seconds ticked by.

_“...Mark?"_

_“Felix.”_

_“You okay?”_

_“Yeah man, I'm great. You?”_

_“Mark…”_

_“Really, I am.”_

_“I'm coming over.”_

_“No, you're not.”_

_“Fuck Mark, please don't do this.”_

_“Do what?”_

_“Mark!”_

_“I need to get some recording done, I'll talk to you later.”_

_“It’s four thirty in the fucking morning and you just lost your best friend, Mark. You don’t need to do shit.”_

_“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, Felix.”_

_“Please Mark…”_

_“What?”_

_“...I'm checking on you in a few days.”_

_“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”_

“You know I came here for a reason, right? We have to talk,” Felix said after a while, and I just nodded, but I didn't really understand.

“C’mon, go shower,” he said, “you stink.”

He helped me to my feet and guided me towards the bathroom before leaving me to my own devices.

It was there that I finally saw my own reflection for the first time in a week. It was a week, wasn't it? My hair was soaked in sweat, drenched with layers of grease, and my beard was overgrown. I had lost a bit of weight, too. I guess I hadn’t eaten, either. I looked like I’d just crawled out of a jungle, and I felt the tears well up again.

_This isn’t what Jack would have wanted._

Reluctantly, I peeled off my clothing, or what remained of it, and stepped in the shower.

_I had recorded and edited three videos by the time I had stopped, but only eight hours had passed. I was tired._

_**Maybe I should go to sleep.**_

_I peeled myself off my chair and landed face first into the soft blankets. It was a relief to finally relax._

_**Jack’s dead.**_

_It hit me all at once. The pain, the realisation, the unsaid feelings._

_My heart shattered._

_I cried for hours. I only know this because I was looking at the clock. In a way, it was my last bit of sanity. It showed time was still moving, that life still went on. Somehow._

_Without Jack._

_**No.** _

I’d stepped out of the shower soon after, the cool air nipping at my skin. My body still hurt, but not nearly as much.

After I was dressed I entered the kitchen, greeted by a strong food smell. 

I almost threw up.

“Hey,” Felix said sullenly, “you look better.”

I shrugged, “Yeah, I guess. Who's the food for?”

He snorted, “Don’t play stupid, Mark, you know who it's for,” at this, he placed a plate in front of me, gesturing for me to sit down.

I complied, “Felix, I-I'm not hungry,” I tried, my stomach churning at the eggs and toast placed in front of me. I couldn't do it.

“Eat it. That way, if you throw up, you’ll actually throw up food and not stomach acid,” he motioned to my food, and hesitantly, I lifted a forkful to my mouth.

My stomach growled in anticipation, yet the back of my throat was on fire.

“So, I'm going to throw up?” I asked, curious.

“You might,” he responded cryptically, digging into his own plate of food, “I don’t know how you’ll respond to things anymore.”

What was _that_ supposed to mean?

We ate in silence, the only noise being our forks scraping at our plates for the longest time.

“The fans don't know yet,” he muttered, beginning to wash the dirtied plates. My heart stopped.

“Wh-what do you mean? How’d y-you hide something like that?” I asked, my hands were shaking again, and I balled up my fists in disapproval.

He sighed, “It wasn't easy, but Jack had a list of his passwords saved to his computer, so I’ve released a few archived videos, and Robin’s been sending me scraps. When those ran out, I’ve been uploading a few of my own videos on his channel. Only a few one-minute skits, but it has sufficed. It's the running joke that I've hacked him,” he rubbed his temples, glancing at me to make sure I was following.

“G-Go on,” I urged, though through the familiar build up of tears.

“Robin and I have been reblogging things on Tumblr, tweeting out things, photoshopping shit for Instagram, everything. Everyone is oblivious.”

I nodded again, bile burning the back of my throat. I _was_ going to throw up.

“And by the way, you're on vacation.”

“What?”

“Jack also had a list of "passwords" for you and I. I assumed they were a joke, but apparently PinkStache69 was your Twitter password.” 

I gaped at him, picking my jaw up from off of the floor. Was I that predictable?

He smirked sadly, placing the now clean dishes back on the shelf.

Felix sat back down in front of me, running his hands through his hair, “You know Robin and I can't keep this up, right?”

I exhaled slowly, this is what he wanted to talk to me about.

“We need to make a video, and soon.”

“I’ll do it.”

“What? Mark, no-”

“Please Felix, you’ve already done so much, while all I've done is lay in bed. Let me do this.”

It was his turn to well up, the tears falling one after the other as relief was written all over his face. He buried his head in his hands.

“T-Thank you…” he sobbed, wiping at his eyes. 

_Why didn’t I just tell him? I had the chance to tell him and I fucked it up. Now he's gone, and I'll never get to tell him._

_The tears kept coming, and my chest was tight. It felt as if I would never be happy again. He was my entire life._

“You’ll call if you need anything, Markimoo?” Felix said, opening the front door. 

I nodded, but I think we both knew I wouldn't, “Go. Go grieve with your girlfriend, leave the rest to me.”

He smiled, pulling me into a quick hug before stepping over the threshold.

“His YouTube password is SepticeyeSean15!” he mentioned, and I closed the door behind him.

The year that we met in person. 2015.

My heart was crushed again, my chest heavy. All I wanted was to go lie down.

_This isn't what Jack would have wanted._

Sucking in a pained breath, I gathered my recording equipment and moved to the bathroom, where the lighting was good. I turned on the camera. I stared at it, not saying a word. I opened my mouth to say something, anything at this point, but nothing would come out. Fuck, this would need some serious editing.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, my vocal cords vibrated. It was a nasty sound that emitted from my throat, but it was a start.

“H-Hello everybody, m-my n-name… m-my name is… my.. name…” I was sobbing again before I even knew it, I couldn't even do the fucking intro.

A sadistic laugh resonated throughout the room. I was pathetic. I wanted with everything in me to call Felix, but I knew I couldn’t bother him. Not after the look of relief in his eyes.

An idea suddenly struck. I had a small bottle of champagne under my sink for celebrations, and for the odd champagne cake. But I couldn’t do that, could...I?

_Just a few sips, that will loosen me up enough to do the video._

_A few sips won’t hurt me._

Desperately, I stumbled my way to the kitchen, my vision blurry from the newly formed tears. It didn't take me long to dig out the bottle of champagne from behind everything.

I stared at it, gnawing at my lip, before shaking my head furiously. It was for the video.

I popped the cork off and squeezed my eyes shut when it landed in the sink, the champagne fizzing over the neck of the bottle. 

_Just do it._

I tipped the bottle up and took a few swigs, a few stray drops running down my chin. 

I gagged at the taste, I hadn’t had alcohol in while. It was disgusting.

So I drank the champagne, now all there was left to do was wait.

_“Jack? What are you doing out here?” I asked, walking over to stand next to him._

_“Huh? Oh, nothin’ Mark,” he replied, not looking me in the eye. He fidgeted with his bracelets nervously, shifting in place._

_“C’mon, don't lie to me,” I urged, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. I felt his muscles tense under my touch._

_“It's jus’… what if they don' like me?” Jack asked, looking up. He had tears in his eyes._

_“Ah, so this is about the panel,” I inferred, and he bit his lip shyly._

_“Well… it’s yer panel. I’m not supposed to be here,” he said, shooing my hand away._

_“Under that logic, neither should Bob or Wade,” I mentioned, trying to make him feel better. It wasn't often he was like this. “It's called ‘Markiplier and Friends’ for a reason.”_

_He cracked a smile, and reluctantly rested his head on my shoulder, “Thanks, Mark, you always know how t’make me feel better,” he breathed, his body heat radiating off him._

_It took every ounce of my willpower not to lean down and kiss him._

It didn't work. The goddamn alcohol didn't work. I was sat in front of my camera for a full half hour, and I’d gotten no further now than I did when I was sober. It was bullshit, all of it.

I couldn't think straight, my head was swimming with anger. I just fucking wanted it to _stop._

I blacked out, and my feet moved on their own accord, right to the kitchen without a second thought.

All morals were thrown out the window when I chugged the champagne straight from the bottle as if my life depended on it.

_Funny, that. This will probably kill me._

I blinked twice and set the half-empty bottle down on the counter. Sweat poured down my face as all my anger dissipated into fear.

_Am I going to die?_

I stared at the bottle of champagne with pure terror. What had I done? 

The fear quickly subsided, and I relaxed. I wouldn’t have to live with the pain anymore if I just died. I considered drinking the rest but decided against it. There was still a possibility that I was going to make it out alive.

Call it, “ _Russian Roulette_ ”.

Smiling to myself, I realised that the previous alcohol had indeed taken effect. I felt lighter like all my worries were melting away. 

God _damn_ was I a lightweight.

I staggered to my bedroom, tripping over my feet a few times. It was a miracle I made it there without falling face first into my hardwood floor. 

Carefully, I lowered myself onto the bed, my eyes rested on the clock once again. I smiled, my head perfectly cloudy. It was bliss.

Until I gagged.

It was the kind of gag you get when you’re really sick, the kind of gag you get before you vomit.

_Fuck._

I swung my legs over the mattress, hauling myself to a sitting position. A hand was clasped firmly over my mouth to stop any bile from escaping. It didn’t work. I’d barely managed to stand before another wave hit me.

I threw up. Everything Felix had made for me earlier that day, I threw up. Even when my stomach was empty, I continued dry heaving, the motion tearing at the back of my throat.

I blinked twice, trying to dissipate the black dots littering my vision. It dawned on me then that maybe this “ _Russian Roulette_ ” wasn’t exactly 50/50, perhaps, more 80/20 with death having the better odds.

I looked down at the puddle of stomach acid with terror, this was exactly what happened a number of years ago when I was sent to the hospital, when the doctor said I could never drink again.

I was going to die.

I released a breathy laugh. Finally, I would be put out of my misery. No more pain, no more grief. Nothing. The thought calmed me, soon I wouldn’t feel anything.

_I wonder what happens when people die?_

I wondered to myself, though I didn’t really ponder on it. Anything was better than the life I was living now, even an eternity of limbo. 

_Will I get to see Jack again?_

The thought entered my brain like a bullet, leaving a stinging impact. Was that sort of thing possible? Would I be able to talk to him? ...Tell him how I feel?

...Did he already know?

It happened in an instant, an explosion of pain in my chest. It knocked the breath out of me and I fell to my knees gasping for air desperately. I was dying. I was going to die.

They say before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. It’s true. Except for me, I didn’t see any random childhood memories. I didn’t see my parents clapping as I walked up on stage to receive my high school diploma. I didn’t even see when my father died.

I saw... Jack.

All the times we’d ever spent together. All the laughs that we shared, and the tears that were shed. They flashed through my mind one by one, only allowing for a brief glimpse, but I saw them all.

“ _Mark._ ”

My eyes shot open. No. It couldn’t be. 

“J-Jack?” I whispered, my bloodshot pupils darted around the room. Everything was blurry.

“ _Mark,_ ” the voice repeated. 

I covered my ears, fresh tears mingling with the sweat on my face. I didn’t want to hear it, I couldn’t take it. I was already dying, so why was the universe torturing me like this? Why couldn’t I just stop breathing and have it all be over?

A figure of white light had begun materialising in the corner of the room, slowly inching its way towards me.

“ _It’s not yer time, Mark,_ ” the light murmured, and I could hear it loud and clear, despite the hands over my ears. I shook with held back anger and crippling sorrow.

“It wasn’t yours, either!” I yelled, as loudly as I could. It tore my throat and the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth.

Suddenly, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, and I looked around the room in desperation. To my horror, the light was gone. 

“ _Don’ do this to yerself, Mark,_ ” The voice - Jack - said, rubbing comforting circles on my back.

My heart ached for him. The stabbing pains in my chest were no match to the pain I felt having him so close and knowing he had to leave soon. 

My phone was pressed into my palm, which was now limp against my side. I bit my lip, slowly raising my head to see who had given it.

He was exactly how I remembered him; pale skin, electrifying green hair, and the bluest eyes you’ll ever see. He smiled at me, revealing those perfectly crooked teeth that suited him so well.

“ _Get help, Mark. I promis’ we’ll talk soon,_ ” he said, before disappearing into the air like a whisper of wind.

The pain in my chest hadn’t ceased, though. If anything, it was only growing. It felt like my heart was going to explode.

With trembling hands, I swiped the emergency icon on my phone.

I barely had time to recite my address to the operator before my body could take no more.

I passed out.

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clear something up, I do not have a uploading schedule. All I can say is; there will be an update, whether it's tomorrow or next month I can't say.
> 
> Uploading Schedule=Rushing=Sloppy Work
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I will try my best to get the next chapter up in a timely fashion.


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